so xanga didnt work on my computer for a while.

dont ask.

idk why.

if you do ask

ill strangle you...with your own testicles.

so i guess it doesnt really matter because ever since myspace came along people dont come on this bitch anymore!

wellll.

its like 3 more weeks til school

and thats whatever.

i actually feel really stupid typing this because i know that nobody will read it.

so bye.

 i want it to be summer.

ill see you all the days.

and give you all of my love.

 i'm a fuck up.

and i should stop.

because it will ruin my life.

someday.

like all the days i thought it would.

except it'll be for real.

and it will end.

just like before.

and it will be the last time.

my birthday is coming up.

it makes me sad that nobody does this xanga thing anymore.

it also makes me said that im supa grounded.

happy belated 4-20 niggaaas. theres a guy on tv that reminds me of david grohl.

i remember the story in like 7th grade or 8th and it was in like the ISAT practice books about the guy who couldnt read and bought potatoes instead of pears, and then he died because he could read the part on this medicine bottle that said "push down and turn" so he didnt make it to his medicine.

so sad.

i hate shit like that.

depressing as hell.

never marry your high school sweetheart.

if i could just make you understand one thing.

just one thing:

its that i dont want to be mean to you.

i dont want to bother you.

ive searched through my whole entire mind to find the right thing to say.

i do this everytime youre mad, and this time its for real.

ive thought and thought about it for like one hundred hours.

and it doesnt help that all over my entire room all i see is "mouseoner" "trial kcm" "i love you" "merry christmas boo!" and i just think the hardest i ever thought to say something right

something that will make you miss me. i know its all too soon. and i knew it wouldnt last forever.

i just want to say something that will make you say "it was so right and i miss her now." something to make you say "shes so smart" "shes so pretty" "shes so radiant" but i cant.

so i end up saying everything else, even though it makes you feel bad, or makes you yell at me, or makes me your crazed stalker ex girlfriend. im sorry you have to feel that way.

im sorry, its selfish of me.

im sorry for trying to make myself feel better by making you feel like youre doing something not good enough.

i just try and try.

and maybe one day, because i know it will be no day soon, but maybe someday i can say one sentence that will make you miss me.

after everything, i can say one thing that will make you say "she is radiant and smart and lovely and beautiful and everything i ever thought she was even the first time i asked her out."

maybe one day.

ill seem so new to you.

and you will like me all over again.

maybe.

this is my apology.

no need to feel bad.

this is just an apology.